Masculine and Feminine
Men In Transition
John Dowden is the lodge leader of Black Lightning Lodge in Toronto, Canada, and has been leader of the Shining Wolf Brotherhood Circle for the past two years. He is beginning a new men's group called the Warrior Clan which is dedicated to assisting men in reclaiming the dignity and beauty of being men. In addition, he has built a successful psychotherapy practice in the city. I called upon John to share his perspectives and his personal and professional experiences with regard to the issues that men are grappling with today.
The old patriarchal system is breaking down. It no longer works because it is out of balance. Everyone is spending an inordinate amount of energy attempting to fix our beyond repair economic, religious, political and educational systems with bandaid solutions.
In the last 25-30 years women have been coming into balance and taking their power. This is a good thing. All of the societal rules for gender action and interaction have been thrown in the air. Many men are still scratching their heads because they haven't figured out new ways of being in the world. As women take their power, becoming prominent in the workplace and more independent, men should stay at home to share the household duties and the caretaking of the children and learn the opposite gender role. At this time in history, both genders are being called upon to learn their opposite, developing the full potential of their lives, and balancing their masculine and feminine energies.
I find that the men I work with tend to be towards one end of the scale or the other. For example, there are some men who are the high pressure masculine types who can manifest anything and will do whatever is necessary to get it, but that is basically all they do. They have an undeveloped feminine side. It's not yet part of their repertoire. With the gender role changes, this type of man does not know what to do with a woman like himself.
The opposite side of the story are men who have gone a long way into exploring their feminine side and have decided to stay there as a refuge. This is the man who has a great deal of difficulty manifesting in his life. He may find a niche and stay there. He is often someone who has dreams but cannot manifest them. What I am seeing is many "nice guys" who don't have a strong male identity. A man used to be the sole provider and protector which was a strong and definite role. The old masculine models no longer apply in our society, and new ones have not yet been created. The result is often men don't know who their role models should be. In this case the masculine has been lost or at least buried deeply.
A number of years ago I was pondering who I was as a man and recognized that I had gone a long way beyond my familial male role models. Suddenly it hit me that I had gotten to this stage of development by creating a composite of many of the influences in the world around me. The heroes in my life were a combination of the historical, fictional, and sometimes real people in my life who embodied different pieces of the picture to me. I had somehow put them together and said "This is what a man should be."
With the shifting gender roles, men are feeling a loss of power. They feel as though they have lost it in the workplace and at home. They are no longer rulers of their domain as in the past patriarchal system. I suspect that somehow this is part of the dance of becoming a balanced man, not knowing how to do it, feeling weak in the process, and relearning how to be powerful in a non-dominating way.
There is lots of confusion in inter-gender communication. I hear men say that women don't really listen to what they are trying to communicate and don't see or accept a male point of view. Men are often not well-equipped to deal with this and simply create distance rather than attempt resolution. They feel put down and unappreciated. This kind of distance dance also shows up in relationships as a lack of willingness to commit. There may be protracted periods where the relationship may not have any movement or may even regress because neither person wants to commit to the relationship or expose themselves to the other.
If I have one thing to say to men in general, I would encourage them to be appreciative of being male, appreciative of their physical bodies and all that entails. Say what is in your heart and take the risk of expressing your feelings and what is true for you. It may not be heard or appreciated by the opposite sex, but this doesn't mean that you are the "bad guy" or even wrong. Many women are still in reaction to the negative things the patriarchy has done. I think it would help if we realized that both women and men participated in the patriarchal system and that it was not only "men's fault".
Right now we are seeing the collective energy building and things are shifting at an increasing speed, requiring more flexibility and adjustment to change. There is a time lag. Now that women are coming into balance, it is time for men to draw on the energy of the work that the women have done and birth new ways of being. It will also take a certain number of men to do the pathfinding and experimentation that will then offer opportunities for the greater collective of men.
The Warrior Clan is something new I have created as a way to bring men together on an ongoing monthly basis. The Brotherhood gatherings have had a revolving door which doesn't allow for the depth I would like. I hope we can achieve this by having a group of men stay together and support each other. The name was chosen because I wanted it to acknowledge men's traditional role as providers and protectors, for them to feel pride in themselves and the fact that they are men. The Warrior Clan is a four-month program that will include a physical component, sit down teachings, and work with the different masculine archetypes. In addition, there will be a dream time where goals will be set and brought to fruition in the next month. I am hoping these gatherings will help to wake up memory in the physical body and explore new ways of being in the world as men. We have choices and out of our intending we can create what we want for ourselves.
I am hoping that in my becoming the Lodge Leader, Black Lightning Lodge will be a greater attraction for men. To some extent this is already happening, but I think that the next year will be one where the collective will become more balanced in the masculine and feminine, both internally and externally.